Do Not Discuss These Things at Thanksgiving

Your sister still owes you money? Uncle John is having a midlife crisis and bought a Ferrari while being unemployed? How did that happen? Now is not the time to find out.

You're into fitness? Hey, me too! Into fit'ness third helping of stuffing into my belly. You ran three marathons this year. Great. Don't brag about what good shape you're in, how much you can bench, and don't reprimand cousin Jimmy about how he could make improvements in that area. You're all here to stuff yourselves silly so just enjoy each other's company, and if you're going to the gym to work it off later, that's fine, but don't press the issue with others.

I'm completely aware I'm the only single adult in the room, thank you, and if there was anything I could do about it, I would. But what makes you think I want to? (Yes, I do, which is even more reason to leave me alone about it--unless you're going to tell me about that single friend of yours who'd be perfect for me).

You'll be sending us that whimsical, delightful, Christmas letter in a month anyway about how little Tina got straight A's and made the honor roll again, so I don't need to hear about it now. You got a raise and promotion while being named Employee of the Month...again? Good for you! Captain Jake's high school football team won the state title...again? I know, I was at the game. So I don't need to hear about it at the Thanksgiving table. OK, congrats to the kids, but you're just a jerk for bragging so much. You also smothered us with it on Facebook all year, so we're kind of up to speed already, thanks.

Yes, I am extremely proud of you but I am just lucky I even got Thanksgiving OFF from a job I am lucky to even HAVE, let alone achieved anything this year, and hey my kid accomplished something too...3 straight weeks of detention back in September, so back off.

Leave it alone. This includes religion, and not only who is in the White House and what he's doing right/messing the heck up, but things like gun control and the National Anthem protests at football games. The latter is a double no-no on turkey day as a few people in your group are probably going to be watching some of those games and trying to enjoy them that day. Even if you know the majority of your family is of the same political bent, you never really do know, so just stay away from it! Don't even think about bringing up casinos or traffic cameras!