Sometimes I feel like people shouldn't be allowed to own those demon-possessed chihuahuas that wake up in the morning and choose violence every single day.

They're dogs, right? I'm sure some of them are okay. But oh boy, when you run into one of those little suckers showing its teeth and ready to attack, you best cover up your ankles. It's basically like walking into an Amish village at that point.

While the angry little SOBs remain legal to own in Iowa, there are a few creatures -- some cute, some ferocious, from all over the world that no one can possess in the Hawkeye State. There's definitely more, too. It's not like you can have a humpback whale just chillin' in your kiddy pool in the garage.

Check out the original article. It's also attached below.

Believe it or not, I have a funny story from my childhood about one of my neighbors owning not one, but TWO exotic species. This is in Ida Grove, Iowa, population 2,300, next to a young family with me, four, and my sister, ten, at the time. In case you didn't think it was already crazy enough.

When I was little my family and I spent a lot of time in the backyard playing whiffle ball. This is probably where my sister and I got our incredibly average athleticism.

One day, with my dad tossing the ball my way and young Eliot taking a few hacks at it, my dad saw a freaking chimpanzee on the top of the neighbor's fence.

This is how he recalls it:

This was no happy-go-lucky Barnum and Bailey Circus primate; teeth were fully beared at your backside as I carefully moved between you and the aggressor. It was then that I noticed the leash. Being a dog lover, I thought it odd to see a cat on a leash...I had even seen harnessed children at the mall... but I was certain that a chimp was not allowed - leash or no leash- per municipal code. 


Before digging my safari hat and elephant gun out from storage, I tried to talk to our neighbors, but they would not answer the door. We contacted the city clerk who made our neighbors aware of code violations: our neighbors asked us to sign papers saying it was ok for them to have a monkey farm - they had a spider monkey too. We refused even after the woman called the city crying that we were taking away her 'babies'.

From my sister, in bullet point fashion, via text:

  • My vision was blurry as hell at that time, so I never even saw the monkey LOL. I did, however, see the fence shake back and forth.

  • The lady wrote mom a nasty letter in reply that said all the monkey's TEETH were removed so it was harmless. (What crazy person DOES THAT?)

  • I remember mom being terrified of the monkey and I was just mad we had to go inside lol

I'll hopefully add what my mom remembers (she's a teacher and quite busy) shortly.

As for myself, at the age of four, I don't remember much of it. I'm pretty sure I fabricated the story in my mind -- I recall the spider monkey being on the fence as opposed to the chimpanzee, but I'll trust my dad's then-36-year-old mind over my four-year-old brain.

10 Exotic Animals You Can't (But Would Be Really Fun To) Own in Iowa

These creatures can be found all over the world -- some are adorable and some are ferocious. I'm sure it's all about how you raise them. Either way, you can't have one in Iowa, which frickin' sucks.

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