My Boyfriend Is Doing Drugs And Trying To Hide It From Me — Counseling Corner

Every Thursday, Brain and Steele read a letter from a listener who has a dilemma they need help with. After the letter is read, it’s YOUR turn to help out with your thoughts and opinions about the situation. Welcome to the Counseling Corner.

Dear Brain and Steele,

I had something interesting happen with my boyfriend a couple weeks ago. We’ve been dating about a month and he’s a great guy. He treats me right, has a good job and seems like he has a good head on his shoulders. I stopped by his apartment to surprise him one night after I got off work, and when he buzzed me into his apartment, something was off.

I could smell something weird right away. I’ve honestly never smoked marijuana before, but I know the smell. I asked him what he was doing, and he said that it was no big deal, and that he did it occasionally to relax after a long day at work. The smell of air fresheners told me he was trying to cover it up though.

I’m not naive. I understand that many people smoke, regardless of laws saying it is illegal. I’m not sure what I should do. The fact that he smokes doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the fact he tried to hide it from me. Do I ask him to stop?  Do I break up with him?  He's saying he only uses occasionally but for all I know it could be a much bigger problem.  So many questions, hope you can help.

H

What Our Listeners Think:

Gail thinks if they're only a month into the relationship and H is already trying to change her boyfriend then she needs to get our now.

Rachel suggested H wait and see how many "long days at work" he has. If it's only a couple days a month, it isn't that big of a deal but if he has to "unwind"  frequently, H might need to rethink the relationship.

Kathryn doesn't think H's boyfriend was necessarily trying to hide it from her. Since he lives in an apartment building, he might've just been trying to cover up the smell so it didn't leak out into the building. Kathryn recommended that H talk to her boyfriend and let him know he needs to be honest about it.

Sara brought up that they've only been dating for a month so if H is uncomfortable, she should say something. If her boyfriend gets upset by the conversation then H should break up with him.

Christine thinks the real problem would be if H's boyfriend is trying to hide it from her.

 Brain says:  I'm not going to focus on the use of marijuana here.  That's a personal choice.  But if he is doing anything that makes you uncomfortable, you have to tell him.  You can either accept the behavior, or decide the relationship isn't worth it.