Bride-To-Be Second Guessing Her Upcoming Nuptials — Counseling Corner

Every Thursday we highlight a problem from a listener. We give our advice and ask other listeners to offer advice. Welcome to the Counseling Corner.

Dear Brain and Steele,

I'm in a bit of a pickle and I really hope you can help. I'm supposed to be getting married November 15 (of this year!) and as the day gets closer I'm having more and more doubts about my impending marriage. It's not that I don't love my fiance Jack, he really is the man of my dreams, but we don't seem to agree on much of anything planning this wedding.

Just to give you a little background, Jack and I have been together for a little more than 2 years. We met through my sister who actually went to college with him and she even told me after the first time she met him that she could see the two of us ending up together! Jack is such a gentleman and treats me really well.

Our relationship was a little tough to manage from the very beginning though because it's always been long distance and to top it off, Jack is in the army and was deployed about 8 months after we first started dating. We spoke pretty much every single day while he was deployed and did our best to manage our relationship through that difficult time. He came home this past January (on my birthday!) and we got engaged in March then set the date for November.

The more I've been thinking about it the more I realize that despite being in a relationship for 2 years, we've really only had maybe 3-4 months actually together. I feel like we need more time together as a couple before we get married but when I expressed my feelings to Jack he dismissed them all together. I think he thinks I will change my mind and walk down the aisle in November but I really don't see that happening -- I'm just not comfortable with where we're at as a couple.

I'd really like to postpone the wedding because I still want to marry him, I just don't see the rush as to why we have to get married this year. Can't we wait? Or do I risk losing him if I don't go through with the wedding as planned? Help!

Molly

What Our Listeners Think:

Jill is a military wife herself. She called in to say that going through a deployment is one of the hardest things Molly and Jack will do and if they can get through that, they can get through anything.

Michelle thinks when you know you've found the right person, you know. She herself got married to her husband of 10 years after only dating him for 8 months.

Ron has been married for 18 years and said that marriage is just a piece of paper. If Molly wants to wait and postpone the wedding, then she should. If Jack is really the guy for her then he'll wait until she's ready.

Stephanie commented that it always feels like you're rushing into getting married. She dated her husband for 7 years before they (recently) tied the knot and there are still things they don't know about each other. But, if Molly really wants to wait then she should do whatever makes her comfortable.

Jordan assured Molly that marriage does not change anything but if she is having serious doubts then she should absolutely postpone the wedding.

Brain thinks:  After lots of consideration, I tend to side with those who said to listen to your heart, and follow your instincts.  If it's not normal wedding jitters or nerves, and you truly believe you need more time, then postpone the wedding.