New Drinks Created By The Cynical Corridor Bartender

A perfect drink for a backyard party with a few of your neighbors. Until somebody breaks out the slip and slide.

We're sorry Fairfax, but somebody has to drink that cinnamon rot gut, and you're just the town to take the challenge.

Nice. This is a wine cooler that comes with a dust rag so you can get a buzz on while you clean your house.

This is the classic, but with double tequila, orange juice, grenadine. After you've had your third, you try to clearly say "take the Shueyville Swisher exit" to your Uber driver.

Have you ever noticed that Marion doesn't like to be referred to as "Cedar Rapids"? We have. Say hello to the Marion Martini – stirred, never shaken, with an extra dry sense of humor and a splash of superiority. And no, you cannot get it in Cedar Rapids. It's the Marion martini, you idiot.

One for the teetotaler this contains no alcohol but suggestive enough still to get a lightweight friend from Tiffin a little bit tipsy.

For all the early risers its OJ with a splash of champagne. In Anamosa, it's the other way around.

Our bartender mixes a batch of 151 proof rum with white lightning moonshine. Serve this to a dozen Ely farmers and watch all hell will break loose. Voila! The Ely Melee!

Sigourney Weaver - One shot of top shelf whiskey followed by three shots of rotgut. After this drink you'll be a "weaver" seeing aliens as ugly as those in all the bad movie sequels. And yes, your bartender knows, it's pronounced "SIG-gor-nee", not "sig-GOR-nee".

Hiawatha Hernia - a beer poured into a mug so big you'll need surgery after you lift it. However, you won't need any anesthesia. You'll be plenty buzzed already.