Do I Help Pay For A Gift For A Co-Worker I’ve Never Met? — The Counseling Corner

Every Thursday we highlight a problem from a listener. We give our advice and ask other listeners to offer advice. Welcome to the Counseling Corner.

Dear Brain and Courtlin,

I have a question for you and your listeners involving some workplace etiquette.  I recently started a new office job in Iowa City and I love it!  My co-workers are great and I couldn’t be happier.  The business manager recently had some medical issues and has been away from work for awhile.  Next week she’ll return to work after nearly a month away.  I’ve been working here for just over three weeks so I’ve never even met her yet.  The past few days, my co-workers have been asking around for money so everyone can go in on a gift for her.  That’s where I have an issue.

The pay here is OK, and it’s not like I’m struggling, but I’ve got my own bills to pay each month and have very little discretionary income.  Plus, I haven’t got a place in Iowa City yet, so I have to drive a pretty decent distance to and from work so I spend a lot on gas.  The bottom line is, I just can’t spare the money right now.  Plus, I don’t even know this woman yet.  Is she going to notice that I didn’t chip in, or sign her card?  I’ve tried to hint around this to my co-workers who keep asking for a donation, but I don’t think they see things the same way.  I’m afraid some of them may begin to think poorly of me if I don’t give in.

What should I do?  Give in and pay up?  Or risk alienating myself in a new workplace?

Thanks,
Ally

P.S. Welcome to K-Hawk Country, Courtlin!

What Our Listeners Think:

Carrie said it won't break the bank for Ally to chip in $5.

Jessica thinks if Ally can't afford to put in money then she shouldn't and she should tell her co-workers she doesn't have the extra money for it.

Nick suggested Ally donate $5, sign the card, and use it as an opportunity to introduce herself to the business manager.

Dawn commented that Ally shouldn't feel obligated especially since she's never met the woman and can't afford it anyway.

Becca said it's just a kind gesture and thinks Ally should contribute a small amount.

Brain says:  It's a great chance to make a positive impression on your new co-workers.  But if you don't have the money to spare, they'll just have to get over it.

Courtlin says: I think that if she doesn't have the money, she shouldn't be obligated to pitch in. If she has an extra few bucks? Sure! It doesn't hurt to chip in. But if she doesn't have the cash, people will understand. Especially because they don't know each other at all.