10 Best Video Games of 2013
Nothing says “holidays” to us like shanking a zombie in the neck, or destroying a group of enemies with a flock of crows, or setting your attack dog on an enemy soldier. These 10 Best Video Games of 2013 deliver the greatest in shooting, stomping, and stabbing action. It was a phenomenal year for gaming and this list is populated with diverse titles including FPSes, Action Games, JRPGs, Strategy Games, Fighting Games, and even Oldschool Platformers. If you haven’t played these titles, you have missed out on some of the high points of 2013 gaming. These are the 10 Best Video Games of 2013.
First up is Tomb Raider, the story of the sexy and deadly Lara Croft before she was so sexy and deadly. Then again, she does single-handedly kill a bunch of psychopathic islanders who are halfway between cannibals and rapists. She also fights off wolves with her bare hands and treats wounds with nothing but scavenged herbs and twigs, and she manages to do it all wearing a light blue tank top. Yeah, we take it back. Lara Croft is as sexy and deadly as ever.
We all knew that Activision’s latest in the Call of Duty series would make it on our Best Games of 2013 list. So why should you play COD: Ghosts? One word: Riley. Riley is your pet German Shepard with titanium teeth. Riley can stalk through the tall grass and ninja kill your enemies by lunging at their necks. Riley is one of the best killstreaks ever devised, revealing snipers and insta-killing enemies who try to get the drop on you. Riley takes down a helicopter at one point! This is one badass dog, and if the entire Call of Duty series doesn’t revolve around him from this point on we will be severely disappointed.
Who would win in a fight, Superman or Batman? Well, Injustice: Gods Among Us lets you find out! (The answer is totally Batman by the way.) This DC Comics fighter puts together some of the most well-known icons of the DC Universe including the Green Lantern, The Joker, Lex Luthor, The Flash, Wonder Woman, and even the butt of DC joke, Aquaman. Of course, our favorite character is Lobo. Why have superpowers when you can have a rocket powered motorcycle and a nuclear shotgun.
For the thinking men out there, we recommend Fire Emblem: Awakening, a chess-like turn based strategy game accented with a healthy dose of dragon sex. Fire Emblem: Awakening takes place across two separate generations of fighters and the children of your main party eventually come back in time to help you. So yes, this means that you can have sex with a dragon girl and birth a ludicrously powerful dragon messiah child. There’s nothing about that sentence that we didn’t like.
It’s classic Mario action with a co-op twist. On the surface, this is a family friendly co-op platformer that has Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toad fighting against Bowser again. But deep down this is a speed running fight to the death. The game rewards the best player with a crown that exists for no other reason than to say “I am better than you.” So expect several nights of controller throwing when you get tosses off the stage by your douchebag friends for the umpteenth time.
Where did all the good JRPGs go? Here they are! Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch is the perfect game for dudes who grew up remembering Chrono Trigger and Final Fantasy fondly. It’s developed by Level-5 and Namco Bandai, who classic JRPG development teams, and is animated by Studio Ghibli, who has done great Miyazaki films like Princess Mononoke. Granted, you won’t be seeing any chicks in wolf skin biting at the necks of samurai in this game, but you do get to ride a dragon, fight with a pirate cat, and gamble with the dead, so that’s pretty cool.
Grand Theft Auto V broke seven Guinness Worlds Records when it released. It was the best-selling action-adventure video game in 24 hours, the best-selling video game, period, in 24 hours, the fastest entertainment property to gross one billion dollars, the fastest video game to gross one billion dollars, the highest grossing video game in 24 hours, the highest revenue generated by any entertainment product in 24 hours, and the most viewed trailer for an action adventure video game, ever! These accolades should convince you that GTA V deserves to be on our list of 10 Best Video Games of 2013 if shooting hookers in the face wasn’t enough for you.
Arr mateys! What be greater than controlling an assassin that shapes history by his very hands? Playing a pirate assassin of course! Yarr it be filling to wash down yer daily meal of neck stabbing with a healthy cask o’ rum. Ye even got to build ye own pirate ship and manage ye own salty crew of brigands and vagabonds.
BioShock Infinite takes the many worlds theory of quantum mechanics and combines it with steampunk flying cities and shotguns. What more do you want from a shooter? Whether you like opening portals to other dimensions, taking part in cultural uprisings, killing your enemies with a flock of ravens, or just chilling out and listening to a ragtime version of Tainted Love, BioShock Infintie has something for you.
This is a video game set in a world where neck shanking is a daily activity. This is a game where you are just as likely to be killed by psychotic looters as you are to be killed by post-apocalyptic fungus zombies. This is a game in which you probably aren’t a good person, and that’s the point. It combines a phenomenally emotional story with tight stealth and shooting controls. The Best Video Game of 2013 is easily The Last of Us